Trauma is real, an internal wound that is carried aloneby those who have served
We do not want to talk about it or even acknowledge we are suffering. This is a 24/7 reality and few escape the anger, depression, anxiety, or hypervigilance brought home from war or combat operations.
MSG (Ret.), U.S. Army, SF
Trauma is real, an internal wound that is carried alone by those who have served. We do not want to talk about it or even acknowledge we are suffering – The Invisible Wound. This is a 24/7 reality and few escape the anger, depression, anxiety, or hypervigilance brought home from war or combat operations.
Isolation is what happens, along with self-medicating strategies, which is fuel for the fire burning inside. See, we cannot escape ourselves, our thoughts, and our behaviors typically alienate those who love us. After awhile the only option is not to live anymore, that ends the internal pain and anguish.
“I miss my buddies. It was a sense of belonging. Each of us was dedicated to two pervasive beliefs – accomplish the mission and get home safe.”
Typically, we accomplished our mission, but not all of us returned home. For my brothers and sisters who flew home in bags, my heart is broken for you and your loved ones. A sacrifice beyond sacrifice. And there are those who came back missing eyes, arms, legs, or those with scars over their bodies and face. Some lost their hearing, sight, or mobility. However, most of us lost something inside, a belief in humanity that gets replaced by fear and trepidation, which turns into depression and isolation.
I was one of those – angry, dispassionate, wanting a way to extinguish this darkness, but all I got was a war with myself. I lost family, loved ones who counted on me and I also deserted my brethren and anything to do with reminders of where I had been, and what was seen and done.
“Then, by shear accident I ran into my old Team Leader. He was in a wheelchair, but he did not give off that feeling of desperation or defeat. Instead, he was vibrant, caring, and wanting to help.”
I became involved with his Vet4Vet organization and reconnected with belonging. We now have a mission to help prevent suicide within our Veteran community. I fish, hunt, and hike with fellow service members. I listen to their stories and they listen to mine. They get me and I get them.
“Being a part of them prevented me from taking my life. Oh yes, I had a plan of carbon monoxide poisoning. CONNECTION saved me. That is what prevention is all about. CONNECTION with a sense of understanding and belonging.”
I am still on the road to recovery. It is a promise I have made to myself, my kids, and parents.
Simon Parks
MSG (Ret.), U.S. Army, SF
CONNECTION with a sense of understanding and belonging is what prevention is all about. You are not alone in this fight.
If you're struggling with thoughts of suicide or know someone who is, please reach out. Connection saves lives. Not only do we help prevent suicide, we help Veterans make life worth living.